Blindfrog

Thanks for the good times LJ you've been good to me.

but tmes they ara a-changing and I'm off to a different painting inthe digital landscape.

find me here:

http://populariscultura.wordpress.com

where you'll find mostly my class blogs but i'm building other things too....

long time no post..here's a linky to my italy pics

http://www.flickr.com/photos/blindfrog/sets/72157605562792888/

was looking at buying a house, but alas decided not to..think i'll move closer to DC, more to do and see...the Burg is a little too small and far away.

I love beets- and i've found a great recipe  from

http://urbanvegan.blogspot.com/2007/10/foil-roasted-beets-with-wasabi.html


but i futzed around with the vinaigrette..added salt and pepper, and a dash of sechuan sauce to give the tang an opposing kick...terrific recipe, i think i'll use it  on a regular salad.

Isn't the point of it all to carry this forward?  Perhaps the bio-clock has been ringing in my ears a little too much lately.  I've been racked by thoughts of parenting for a good swath of months now.

I know! It's not scary...well other than you know being responsible for a life and all that, it's becoming more a matter of when not if.  What's that you say? Well of course I recall i'm a lesbian, what's that got to do with anything? Oh, yeah well there's that, but that is only the appearances of a roadblock.

I hesitate, for the moment, for a variety of reasons....the biggest of which I'll share with the world, because I'm ok with it. My desire to be a parent is immediately followed by the desire to have a co-parent- of the male variety. I'm not one of those lesbionic gals who hate men , heck I don't even dislike 'em.  I just like girls a lot more. My desire to have pops in the mix is a direct result of my own m.i.a father for the first few years of my life.  That goodness that my step-dad showed up, I'm so blessed and grateful for all he taught (and still teaches) me- i miss you Dad. My formative years were sans male influences-other than brothers.  It's just my way, my thing, but for me, I'd like that.  The other part of course is support.

The other part to this is that I'm not really willing to wait too much longer. I felt like I've been waiting all my life, wait for the other shoe to drop, someone to appear and sweep me away into domestic bliss, waiting, waiting , waiting.  Well there seems to be no big signal that will happen for me, so on I go.

I have this image in my mind of how things could be, but perhaps that's not possible, so i'm dealing with the current moment.  This idea is fraught with questions. How would it work, being a girl who likes girls, with a kid and pops in the picture? If history proves true then I can tell you my already non-existent social life will be vaporized and the chances of meeting someone who is ok with a girl and a child and pops , is assuming too much.  i supposed I should care about all of that, or what people will think...I could care less, really.  My thinking is, my social life couldn't really get much more boring and uneventful than it is.  That's not a sob story, it's just sort of the way it's played out.  Waht about the logistics of it all? work. school, child rearing, can it happen? My take is anything can happen, it just ain't easy.

i've been moved by the writings of Joriel (of the Ben and Joriel) http://www.ballsyblog.com/  as of late.  They are expecting and I'm over the moon! As I see the men (and women) I have known and loved in my formative years grow into adults, and expand into families, it makes me yearn that much more for, well, more. But more than that they got hitched, legally speaking, and I applaud and respect that decision.  How would that situation play out in my world, I wonder? Tough position to be in, i'm glad they took the steps for themselves to do what is truly the right thing.

I've been thinking long and hard about what purpose graduate school plays in my life, and I've slowly started to see the implications  for myself, and formulating a way forward.  All this depends upon my performance of course,but I do believe that I will shoot for PhD as a second career.  This executive assistant crap is just that.  I cannot, however, dismiss the gig in terms of it's monetary value. there is the concern about being an old bitty just starting in academia and the idea of tenure, but that's not in my control, as far as I can see.  My experience in LA proved  that age IS a factor in all we do and all I can do is my best and understand the situation as best I can.  I left LA because there was not a chance in hades of "rising" through the ranks, because I was about 10 years too old to be a beginner. Is academia the same, probably, but there are ways and things to do (I think) that I can work around it- I'm more comfortable in the academic environment- it' s more fun, but no less cut-throat.

If I can move to LA and live for 18 months without any steady work,being judged by my looks (e.g., not a size 2 or 5'8") and survive that eat-your-young- mentality, I can survive anything at all.

Ok I've procrastinated enough, time to go read and work.

Sunday...just before Monday- oy....

Hi all-

Ok so to celebrate my 40th year of existence I've decide to make this the year of events.  I am planning on becoming a parent in the course of the next 18 months or so..more on that later.

But this year I am doing the following:

Going to Italy- just booked my trip in May!
Going to disney world with my family- I get to be the cool Aunt!- booked it!
Going to either 1) tahiti/bora bora or 2) Japan with my fave traveller buddy
Vegas! my favorite place to go for a few days
LA and San Diego to see old friends, have good sushi laugh until I cry
Florida in June to do my first triathlon!
New tattoo- i know what i what - i need to design it...


Vegan life is good.

Tina

So , here's the deal. a while back I moved from chicken/seafood based diet to a more vegan diet.  And honestly, it's a hard transition.  The basis of all of my education for cooking (both growing up and professionally) was based around THE MEAT.  Think about it, the world talks in terms of meat: Chicken and rice, steak and potatoes, ham and eggs....get it?

So while I was living in LA, I was (am) inspired by those who were vegetarian, and not so "fuck you meat-eaters"  in attitude.  Live and let live, which I 'm a huge fan of, for obvious reasons. 

I was (am) also motivated by the journey my mother has taken.  In October of 2003 she was diagnosed with stage IV breast cancer (the cancer that had been gone fro 12 plus years made a surprise visit). She change EVERYTHING about her diet.  All organic, no meat (fish sometimes tho').  She switched from coffee to green tea, drinking soy, banana, chocolate milk shakes in the morning. She was given 1 year (12 months, 365 days) to live.

A little over two months ago she was diagnosed as having no active cancer in her body.  That is AM-AHH-ZING.  The doctor didn't sat the R word, but that's ok.  It means that what my mother is doing (based on her own research, and hard work) is working for her. Inspiring.

Being motivated by my mother, who can be a real pain in my ass, kept pushing me towards this idea of a non meat diet.  Well, I was quasi doing a veggie diet, being lazy, not really committing to anything until Thanksgiving 2006.  I had a severe reaction to something..it was not pretty. I decided then and there to try vegan. For awhile it was working, but I got bored and uninventive (disimaginary to carry the shitty grammar froward) and lazy.  So slowly I've found myself back to a shitty meat diet.

I'm moving back to vegan now, because, I've been sick for about 5 weeks now, having a hard time shaking whatever the hell this is.  I can tell you I'm tired all the time, I have problems equalizing the pressure in my ears and can't get a descent night's sleep. 5 WEEKS! this coincides perfectly with my new venture in academia- i'm not performing how I'd like.

So, I've got things in my freezer I need to eat, fish.  So Standing tall and believe that i will not create more waste, I'll be eating these things and when I got to the store I'll be replenishing with tempeh, and tofu.  I 'm not a fan of tofu honestly, I worry about the promotion of estrogen receptors in soy products - so I've got to work with beans, legumes, etc. I'm juicing more and I'm hoping it helps get me back to healthy soon.  Yeah, i went to the doctor, he gave me a Z-pac (Azythromyahblahbalah) took fever away, but i'm still blech-y.

The biggest thing is reprogramming my brain around meals. I've investing in a couple more books (I now have the Sarah Kramer triple play) to do this.

Oh and it's been three years since my last tattoo, time for another.....dunno what I want, would love  Om, but that's overused...would love to do something small and inventive.  I'll know it when I see it.

Here's my last one:



one of the seven auspicious symbols of Buddhism, means good luck, love of family and friends and a whole host of things I can't remember. Looks a ton like the Celtic endless love knot, I know. I love this tattoo...my mother doesn't.

I'm off Saturday cheap movie day ,,, thinking Juno or Vantage point.

t.

here's what i've come up with, ifI can find it anywhere:

Garmont Vegan hiker.which can be found here

http://www.veganessentials.com/catalog/garmont-vegan-hiker-for-women.htm

still reading up.

I'm sure there are leather alternatives, etc. But i wanted to go man-made for a couple of reasons:

1) i still think it's important fro me to try to avoid buying animal products.

- before everyone jmps in me, I DO still have leather stuff in my world. But i'm not about to create waste b/c my position has changed.  It would be , well ,stupid fr me to do that. The point is to use it while I have it, once it is used up then find a way to recycle.

2) In some parts of the world if you go hiking it is requested to have non-leather boots/products (granted this is probably some place I'd NEVER hike (oh say the himalayas) but still , if find that interesting and if i'm going to start on my hiking adventures, may as well do it in a non-offesive way from the get-go.

more on my vegan-waffling  in the next posting.

Ok so  one of the things I'd like to do this spring is hike more.

I'm wondering if anyone otu there in LJ land has suggestions on the following:

1) good boots and where to get 'em?
2) easy/medium hikes in VA?
3) what do you take with you when you go hiking?


TALK TO ME!

After fighting some virus thing for about 3 and a half weeks, I'm finally feeling well.

Work is work.  If I didn't have to deal with stupid stuff and could just support my peeps, it would be perfect.

School is intimidating! I'm taking and archives administration class. Talk about dense.  It's a big enough challenge for me to get everything read and ready to talk about, but thisis a new topic and I'm so very lost.  I just hope I can keep up. Welcome back to Grad school.


Training for the triathlon has been bumpy but i'm getting my groove, i just hoping to finish and raise the money i'm suppose to raise, other wise i'm stuck withcovering it myself, so I'm about 3k shy. oy.

In other news, this is why I don't eat beef or chicken anymore,


http://www.latimes.com/news/local/la-me-beef18feb18,0,4428760.story


I'm still eating fish, but I'm pretty close to phasing that out too.  The more time I take to work on learning to cook and eat vegan-style  to more confidence i have. i'm getting there. I went in headfirst at the beginning and found i was chowing down too many carbs...so i backed away, trying to take a more cerebral approach. The biggest thing is thinking and learning to  cook with a different type of base.  It's like a painter going from painting to chalk drawings on the sidewalk....all the  technical skill is there, it just take a beat to really get more comfortable with the medium.

Of course the more I read from other vegan dynamos the more I'm inspired. i'd have to say Sarah Kramer is pretty much a rock star to me.  Of course being a HUGE Go-Go's fan doesn't hurt either.

I love my Go-GO's

anywho..off for Sunday grading.

Academy Awards for outstanding film achievements of 2007 will be presented on Sunday, February 24, 2008, at the Kodak Theatre at Hollywood & Highland Center®. Performance by an actor in a leading role   George Clooney in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.)   Daniel Day-Lewis in “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax)   Johnny Depp in “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)   Tommy Lee Jones in “In the Valley of Elah” (Warner Independent)   Viggo Mortensen in “Eastern Promises” (Focus Features)   Performance by an actor in a supporting role   Casey Affleck in “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” (Warner Bros.)   Javier Bardem in “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage)   Philip Seymour Hoffman in “Charlie Wilson’s War” (Universal)   Hal Holbrook in “Into the Wild” (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment)   Tom Wilkinson in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.)   Performance by an actress in a leading role   Cate Blanchett in “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” (Universal)   Julie Christie in “Away from Her” (Lionsgate)   Marion Cotillard in “La Vie en Rose” (Picturehouse)   Laura Linney in “The Savages” (Fox Searchlight)   Ellen Page in “Juno” (Fox Searchlight)   Performance by an actress in a supporting role   Cate Blanchett in “I’m Not There” (The Weinstein Company)   Ruby Dee in “American Gangster” (Universal)   Saoirse Ronan in “Atonement” (Focus Features)   Amy Ryan in “Gone Baby Gone” (Miramax)   Tilda Swinton in “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.)   Best animated feature film of the year   “Persepolis” (Sony Pictures Classics) Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud   “Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Brad Bird   “Surf's Up” (Sony Pictures Releasing) Ash Brannon and Chris Buck   Achievement in art direction   “American Gangster” (Universal) Art Direction: Arthur Max Set Decoration: Beth A. Rubino   “Atonement” (Focus Features) Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood Set Decoration: Katie Spencer   “The Golden Compass” (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners) Art Direction: Dennis Gassner Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock   “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Art Direction: Dante Ferretti Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo   “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Art Direction: Jack Fisk Set Decoration: Jim Erickson   Achievement in cinematography   “The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford” (Warner Bros.) Roger Deakins   “Atonement” (Focus Features) Seamus McGarvey   “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” (Miramax/Pathé Renn) Janusz Kaminski   “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Roger Deakins   “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Robert Elswit   Achievement in costume design   “Across the Universe” (Sony Pictures Releasing) Albert Wolsky   “Atonement” (Focus Features) Jacqueline Durran   “Elizabeth: The Golden Age” (Universal) Alexandra Byrne   “La Vie en Rose” (Picturehouse) Marit Allen   “Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street” (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Colleen Atwood   Achievement in directing   “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” (Miramax/Pathé Renn) Julian Schnabel   “Juno” (Fox Searchlight) Jason Reitman   “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) Tony Gilroy   “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Joel Coen and Ethan Coen   “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Paul Thomas Anderson   Best documentary feature   “No End in Sight” (Magnolia Pictures) A Representational Pictures Production Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs   “Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience” (The Documentary Group) A Documentary Group Production Richard E. Robbins   “Sicko” (Lionsgate and The Weinstein Company) A Dog Eat Dog Films Production Michael Moore and Meghan O’Hara   “Taxi to the Dark Side” (THINKFilm) An X-Ray Production Alex Gibney and Eva Orner   “War/Dance” (THINKFilm) A Shine Global and Fine Films Production Andrea Nix Fine and Sean Fine   Best documentary short subject   “Freeheld” A Lieutenant Films Production Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth   “La Corona (The Crown)” A Runaway Films and Vega Films Production Amanda Micheli and Isabel Vega   “Salim Baba” A Ropa Vieja Films and Paradox Smoke Production Tim Sternberg and Francisco Bello   “Sari’s Mother” (Cinema Guild) A Daylight Factory Production James Longley   Achievement in film editing   “The Bourne Ultimatum” (Universal) Christopher Rouse   “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” (Miramax/Pathé Renn) Juliette Welfling   “Into the Wild” (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment) Jay Cassidy   “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Roderick Jaynes   “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Dylan Tichenor   Best foreign language film of the year   “Beaufort” A Metro Communications, Movie Plus Production Israel   “The Counterfeiters” An Aichholzer Filmproduktion, Magnolia Filmproduktion Production Austria   “Katyń” An Akson Studio Production Poland   “Mongol” A Eurasia Film Production Kazakhstan   “12” A Three T Production Russia   Achievement in makeup   “La Vie en Rose” (Picturehouse) Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald   “Norbit” (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount) Rick Baker and Kazuhiro Tsuji   “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” (Walt Disney) Ve Neill and Martin Samuel   Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)   “Atonement” (Focus Features) Dario Marianelli   “The Kite Runner” (DreamWorks, Sidney Kimmel Entertainment and Participant Productions, Distributed by Paramount Classics) Alberto Iglesias   “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) James Newton Howard   “Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Michael Giacchino   “3:10 to Yuma” (Lionsgate) Marco Beltrami   Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)   “Falling Slowly” from “Once” (Fox Searchlight) Music and Lyric by Glen Hansard and Marketa Irglova   “Happy Working Song” from “Enchanted” (Walt Disney) Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Stephen Schwartz   “Raise It Up” from “August Rush” (Warner Bros.) Nominees to be determined   “So Close” from “Enchanted” (Walt Disney) Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Stephen Schwartz   “That’s How You Know” from “Enchanted” (Walt Disney) Music by Alan Menken Lyric by Stephen Schwartz   Best motion picture of the year   “Atonement” (Focus Features) A Working Title Production Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner and Paul Webster, Producers   “Juno” (Fox Searchlight) A Dancing Elk Pictures, LLC Production Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick and Russell Smith, Producers   “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) A Clayton Productions, LLC Production Sydney Pollack, Jennifer Fox and Kerry Orent, Producers   “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers   “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) A JoAnne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production JoAnne Sellar, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Lupi, Producers   Best animated short film   “I Met the Walrus” A Kids & Explosions Production Josh Raskin   “Madame Tutli-Putli” (National Film Board of Canada) A National Film Board of Canada Production Chris Lavis and Maciek Szczerbowski   “Même Les Pigeons Vont au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)” (Premium Films) A BUF Compagnie Production Samuel Tourneux and Simon Vanesse   “My Love (Moya Lyubov)” (Channel One Russia) A Dago-Film Studio, Channel One Russia and Dentsu Tec Production Alexander Petrov   “Peter & the Wolf” (BreakThru Films) A BreakThru Films/Se-ma-for Studios Production Suzie Templeton and Hugh Welchman   Best live action short film   “At Night” A Zentropa Entertainments 10 Production Christian E. Christiansen and Louise Vesth   “Il Supplente (The Substitute)” (Sky Cinema Italia) A Frame by Frame Italia Production Andrea Jublin   “Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)” (Premium Films) A Karé Production Philippe Pollet-Villard   “Tanghi Argentini” (Premium Films) An Another Dimension of an Idea Production Guido Thys and Anja Daelemans   “The Tonto Woman” A Knucklehead, Little Mo and Rose Hackney Barber Production Daniel Barber and Matthew Brown   Achievement in sound editing   “The Bourne Ultimatum” (Universal) Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg   “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Skip Lievsay   “Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Randy Thom and Michael Silvers   “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Matthew Wood   “Transformers” (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro) Ethan Van der Ryn and Mike Hopkins   Achievement in sound mixing   “The Bourne Ultimatum” (Universal) Scott Millan, David Parker and Kirk Francis   “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff and Peter Kurland   “Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Randy Thom, Michael Semanick and Doc Kane   “3:10 to Yuma” (Lionsgate) Paul Massey, David Giammarco and Jim Stuebe   “Transformers” (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro) Kevin O’Connell, Greg P. Russell and Peter J. Devlin   Achievement in visual effects   “The Golden Compass” (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners) Michael Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris and Trevor Wood   “Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End” (Walt Disney) John Knoll, Hal Hickel, Charles Gibson and John Frazier   “Transformers” (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro) Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Russell Earl and John Frazier   Adapted screenplay   “Atonement” (Focus Features) Screenplay by Christopher Hampton   “Away from Her” (Lionsgate) Written by Sarah Polley   “The Diving Bell and the Butterfly” (Miramax/Pathé Renn) Screenplay by Ronald Harwood   “No Country for Old Men” (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen   “There Will Be Blood” (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson   Original screenplay   “Juno” (Fox Searchlight) Written by Diablo Cody   “Lars and the Real Girl” (MGM) Written by Nancy Oliver   “Michael Clayton” (Warner Bros.) Written by Tony Gilroy   “Ratatouille” (Walt Disney) Screenplay by Brad Bird Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird   “The Savages” (Fox Searchlight) Written by Tamara Jenkins

Not to have you tihnk me grumpy all the time!

THIS IS THE BEST!!

http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=148992


BEST LAUGH I'VE HAD IN A WHILE!

Why Camile Paglia pisses me off.

I dont' know why but i'm not  a fan or her work, her theory or her delivery of either.  The ideas in Sexual Personae grate against every nerve I have.  Her relentless Queer Flag Waving are insulting to me.  I think this all stems frommy deeply rooted distrust of the work of her mentor Harold Bloom.  I have corssed paths with Dr. Bloom's work in my studies and almost never have found his work to jive with what I'm researching or thinking about.

Generally speaking as a scholar, I am perfectly ok with that.  Really, there's a reason Dr. Bloom is as regarded as he his.  Of course, if I didn't have any sense of respect I'd call him Haold, or Harry, but I do respect him as a scholar and a teacher, he just ticks me off.  Paglia was a mentor, so you get the geneaology of her study. (in a very breif way)

On to Pagilia.  Now, look I'm just me and I'm not  1) a Yale educated shcolar 2) a big flag waver when it comes to my sexual orientation 3) compeltely educated on all things Paglia, however:

I think her pruposeful incindiary presentation of thoughts and ideas is , well, disappointing.  She probably knows more about literary theory that I could ever hope to have, but this idea of the male sexual persone being external versus the internalized personae of women is bunk.  It reminds me of my experisnce in undergrad with a professor who taught "Kubla Kahn" with the post-modern flair, telling me the poem is all about going back to the womb (given the water imagery).  I'm sure Samuel Taylor Colderidge had pooty on the brain, but did he really write that poem thinking about going back to the womb.

Or is it, given Paglia's "Personae" assertion that Coleridge is trying to dominate the natural  feminst forces of nature as all men are apt to do?

All this leads up to me reading her articles in Salon.  Why do I read them? They tick me off. Part of it is I think she constantly attacks Hillary Clinton unmercifully and being the divisive charcter she is, I'm ok with that- becasue she is and she deserves to be heavily vetted like everyone else.  But is she pissed at HRC because she's a straight woman acting butch for the world to see? (NOTE: I'm not advocating HRC for Pres, yet- I'm undecided)  Here's the thing, if you are considered one of culture's most regarded feminst voices, why are you going to bust on Gloria Steinem? Is she busting on Steinmen b/c she is HRC's friend?  Didn't Steinmen help usher the radical feminists to the forefront?  Paglia's now patented in-your-face style is annoying and quite frankly, if all she's doing is writng these things to press buttons without a real sense of commentary then what's the point?

There's no doubt that she is one smart lady, who is in complete touch with her lesbioinic- scholar super woman.  Yay for her.   Why must one be so angry? Angry lesbians piss me off. I don't know why.  I've done my share of protesting and such, but I'm not inclinded to think it does any good- others will disagree I'm sure (and I'm not saying we shouldn't prtoest!). I'm the kind that wants to change the thinking from the inside out - not pound people over the head to piss them off and then try to change the way things are done- politically, or culturally.

That big question, though, how do you incorpoate change into society? Does Paglia think her constant in-your-face delivery is working? I tend to believe she's compartmentalized herself to the point she's become a charicature- unable to really do what I think she intends to do.  It is easy to dismiss her ramblings as angry diatribes against the straight world she inhabits (I love my mix of gay and straight friends, for me it represents what the world could be). I think that's the unforutnate thing because when you peel away the layers of rhetoric and theory about vaginas and nature and all that crap, she probably has a good point- I'm just not sure what it is for all the yelling.

http://www.amazon.com/gp/feature.html?docId=1000179911


oh man...

Ok so I've been , for lack of any other term, busy as a rabbit in heat.

What going on, a little o' dis a little o' dat. I've been in go mode. Work is well work.  I'm doing a betterr job at my job since I'm not on pins and needles thinking about my dear departed meemaw.  (though I do think of her every hour or so- it' s not with so much sadness). I am stuck on some visual images of her last weekend on Earth- which I will not share, but suffice to say it's still unsettling for me. 

My relationship with my mother is just as frustrating as it was before, I would have thought we'd be in better space- but I was wrong. It's a complicated relationship, but I'm learning how to utilize the distance factor to my advantage. (and saying No more).

The best news--Ii got into GMU. yup start in january- my quest fro my Ph.D. via another Master's degree...I'm either stupid or crazy or both. The beeyatch is this first semster- I'm an out of state student (b/c I moved to Va in April), oy. 30 credit hours plus 12 more to cover my basic first year gradaute level Hist courses..since I was an English major.

So 845/credithour....yup kids that's 2500 plus for one class....but it's exciting nonetheless.

I'm currently teaching 4 classes online,- BIg mistake.  I will not do that again.....it's killing me, and I'm not enjoying it.  hopefully I'll start looking around at other online teaching opportunities that don't require the kinds of stupid time committments this does. Asynchronous learning is a good and bad thing.it's good in that you can log on anytime and participatate in the classes. but there's a real disconnect I'm not sure i like it. i'll be better able to guage if/when I'm teaching live in a bricks and mortar environment.

the last thing is i've held my Band geek at bay far too long, she's finally escaped! Yes kids, I'm playing my horn again.  i've been rehearsing with the Washington Redskins Marching Band. It's fun, geeky band stuff.  and once night a week, so more than worth my time.

Man since my grandmother passed life's pace has picked up exponentially.
Ok so my story, There's been a person at work who has invited me to do Bible study.  So being the kind of person that likes to challenge myself I thought why not.

I wanted ot talk about it and try to open my mind to whatever the majority of christians think (the Bible is THE word of God).  So after a couple meetings, it was clear to em that What this amounted to was not really studying the Bible (in the sense that i was thinking) but more about how I should believe the Bible as THE word of God. Not interested in that kool-aid Dr, Jones.

Here's the issue with that.  I made my peace with what God is in my life and my stance on Chrisitianity while driving across the country alone upon hearing that my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer, four years ago. So for the first time I was finally at peace with everything about myself (the minor exception of the vain self that wanted to drop 20 lbs).

I always get that weird feeling I've been pulled into an Amway meeting with these types of Chrisitians.  they may not want to blow shit up, but they are just as dangerous in their fanatisicism. Ok so I gave her a copy of "The Alchemist" a terrific morality tale.  She read it and i asked her thoughts.  "Well there are too many things in there that go against everything I've come to believe about God and the Bible and how I'm supposed to live my life."

Of course internally I'm telling myself, ok you missed the point of the whole damned thing.  It's about searching for something - the treasure of your life- and going far and wide only to realize that it was right where you were all along.....so we discuss, and she flat out rejected that notion saying I can't believe in anything that goes against..blah blah..."I'm happy in my little box.....that's why I don't watch show with gratuitous violenc e or sex ..."

I responded:i respect that, and I'm not trying to take away your little box, but i believe that in order to appreciate that you have to see and understand more about the world around you ...and these are also the type of people who think buddha proclaimed himself a messiah...stupid asses....

"I don't want to"

Baffled....I was utterly baffled. I guess I just don't understand that at all. There's so much more to the world and yet she's making an active choice to close her eyes to it.

Now about the tv, and movie b.s.  look people, God (or gods --depends on your deal) created imagination....God knows it's fiction....it's NOT REAL PEOPLE......it seems kind of silly to me to apply that kind of dogma to religion. DOGMA killed the cat.  that crap is not chrisitanity.....

so i had to get back to work, I said great conversation, we should do it again soon...yeah right.

Ok best moment of the week...me riding in my carpool  tonight realizing half-way home that I did  not have my keys or my cell phone with me. carpool dude dropped me off at my house and i broke in.... so i have no door knob and the door can latch...crazy stupid is what that is......I'll be taking the train in tomorrow.

Tina

Things are a little better.  I sit here watching "The War" on PBS, a Ken Burns film (I'm not sure he's got a lot of cred amoungst his contemporaries- but I like him).

I can't help but feel closer to my grandparents as I watch this.  Partly because of her recent passing, partly because I have been going through the items I was able to rescue from the mass purging of my grandmother's home (more on that at another time- bu I'll give you a taste. What the fuck is wrong with people! they wanted to throw everything out! I have a treasure trove of familial history and world history!)

Now about that Radar Reference.  Vernon Wilbur Van Horn or "Wib" served as a file clerk for the 54th Evacuation hospital in Luzon, New Guinea from August 1943 to December 1945.  I am looking at his discharge papers.  To me, this is like holding a gold bar form Fort Knox.  My God, how cool! I had heard another Great Uncle served under Patton, and now I learn that the cool old guy I had known in the early 80's (Uncle Wib) was smack in the middle of the Pacific Campaign.

Wib received two Bronze service stars! War hero, holy crap! The seeds of a script have started, but we'll see what I can come up with- it is personal, and I'm a lousy screenwriter. I wouldn't be the first lousy screenwriter to get a story told.

Maybe it's odd that a chick is completely fascinated by World War II, but I've never really stopped to worry about why I was interested in anything.  Is it? I mean really? Perhaps all those years of watching my friends play Axis and Allies planted a seed that hasn't really shown up until a few years ago. Or perhaps it was my trip to Copenhagen in November of 2001.  Being in that place and feeling the history of war after Sept 11 perhaps heightened my senses (or subjecting myself to drinking with Norwiegans- and trust me, those bastards can drink!), but I swear I could almost hear the tanks rolling down the cobblestone streets of that beautiful city.

By my education and training, I am a literature chick, but my interests go far beyond the arts (though my roots are and always will be artistically based and skewed).  But, and this is a big BUT (not to be confused with MY big butt) I really want to learn more about things, historically.  By looking at thing this way, it all leads me towards my desire to think about how history, culture and arts are all mangled together. Of course, I want to do this all through  exploring various elements of media that represent the trinity. (not THE Trinity.note lower case). 

I have my ideas about art and artists.  I believe we are the cockroaches of culture. I say that in a positive way.  There will always be artistic renderings of historical events: whether to hold up the mirror to society, to express protest, or to just simply tell the tale of events as the current culture understands it (think of Shakespeare  as it premiered in 15- whenever versus it's representations today- if that makes sense). 

I find that I have developed more of an interest in History, as a real means of study over the past 5-6 years.  But as I spent my time in Hollywood, I have refined that interest to film and media studies.  Film for me is a passion. It is also my escape  and I want to explore how it has told stories of historical events, (whether they are full of b.s. or not). I can thank my friend Chris for really stoking the fire of interest. http://apprenticehistorian.typepad.com/
 

Having an MA in English is not something I care to throw away, no no no, I  think there's  a way to enhance all of these sensibilities- I'm not sure how to do that yet. I have an appointment in Tuesday afternoon at GMU to talk to the Dir of Grad Studies about things. I am getting excited. But October is  almost here, and I've got to get crackin' on my application packet.

Ah- I am rambling senselessly.  All of this rambling is  really about how many things I am thinking about at once. (thanks A.D.D.) But at it's core, all of this is just me thinking about the many things my family has accomplished that no one really celebrated or talked about (the topics were usually about how much of an S.O.B my granddad was and how Meemaw was  lousy mother...too much drinking, violence, etc.)

I'll give you an example. I found in my grandmother's things a note from Jacqueline Kennedy to my grandfather. It was a thank you note to him for his contribution to the Kennedy library.  HOLY CRAP! Thanking him for what?  I found out that my grandfather had been the one to construct the original glass case for JFK's desk at the Kennedy Library at it's inception. Unbelievable that I never knew this!

Here it is again. I find that my family was standing on the wings of the stage of history- and I never knew it.

I am missing my grandmother every moment, I have been thinking of her all day, don't know why, but I hope she's having a blast right now, being with those she so desperately loved and missed. I miss her, but"I know she's around, and that comforts me.  She had seven brothers- so I've only found out cool stuff about two- so I'm going to see what I can learn about the other 5. I understand more and more why she was so proud to be the baby in that family.

or Meemaw to me.  She passed this morning.  I knew she would do it her way, too.  I was there last night, and I knew she wanted to be alone, so I came home. I got home about 12:30 am, and woke up at 6:00 am.  Got up and got over there and as I turned the corner to walk to her room, the nurse told me that he had just rubbed  her back and she waas laying there with her eyes open.

Hoping I could get a response I was excited for a moment.

I went in and said, hey Meemaw!....silence......Meemaw?....silence.....i notice no breathing.....(internal dialouge: uh oh....fuck...) I  walk out to the hallway.... to nurse: I don't think she's breathing.

nurse: What? no way! i was just there! (two minutes ago). yup...old girl was gone.  so today's been a day full of phone call and logistics. Meemaw had made a specific arrangements to be cremated..no memorial no nothin'......so  i helped the the funeral home dude with by grandmother's body.  they wrapped her up and we but her on the gurney , and covered her with a pretty purple thingy. 

I made sure my mom had left before we wheeled her out and loaded her up.  And then i followed her over to the funeral home where they will prepare her for cremation.

it meant a lot for me to be able to do that on my own. I'm off tomorrow, to get back to the burg and get my life back together. 


In other news, I'm picking up more classes for online teaching and will putting together my resume for face to face teaching at a local community college.


and in late february..i'm doing this:  


 

SO, hi.

I've been dealing with what I would call seismic shifts in my foundation.  First, apologies to those that I sort of dropped off the face of the Earth from...it was not my inent to be incredibly gauche, but I realize that it probably came across that way.


So about a month ago, my cousin and I had to go to my grandmother's apt and confront her about the fact that she had a bum leg and she needed to go to the doctor.  She refused.  Being 85 and still living on your own makes one more apt to feel like a cornered animal and strike out at anyone.


This the part where my mother kicked it into high gear.  We had to devise a way to get her to the hospital, because we knew she wouldn't go  alone. (note: my guess is that she was never going to the doctor again and wanted to die alone in her apartment.) So, my mom met her at her doctor's office, and then put her in the car and drove her to Richmond, the doctor perscribed valium for her, so she was out of it.  That was on a Thursday- 20 days ago.

I spent the night at the hospital Thurs, Friday and Sunday nights...I'm not a fan of hospitals.  But Meemaw was combative, pissed and wanted to go home- so someone needed ot be withher 24 hours. So she was diagnosed with metastatic cancer, and dementia.

So, we had been given notice that she was terminal.  We moved her to a skilled care rehab facility, and I've been up and down the road for 20 plus days.  

It's been crazy, and sad and odd and a weird expereince to see the end of a glorisous life. I am humbled to be with her and sad beyond compare.  It's hard ot keep that "poor me" feeling at bay and focus on being withehr as she prepares to cross over.

Today is a milestone day, we are at the point where we need to call in hospice and more than likey, morphine, so I'm sure once that hapens it'll be  tough.  Right now, I've been able to get a few glimpses of my Meemaw in between the other nuttiness.

So, that's it from Lake Wobegon, hope everyone is doing well.

Next time....Yes, Virginia, there is a girl!

I hope I did that right....

This was the weirdest show, but I watched it...I think around hte Shazam/Isis hour

weee....I'm back, sorta.....been mulling over school options, teaching classes and trainging for a triathlon....

School: thinking about GMU's predoctoral Cultural History program. Objective woul dbe to work may way into the PhD cultural Studies coruse of study focus on Film studies/theory.


http://historyarthistory.gmu.edu/history/masters/


What think ye?

I am going about my business.   My days are pretty sturtured at this point.  By necessity.  I'm working a 9-5-er and teaching classes online....so in between al that, i am training for the tri and having some sort of a social life even in small doses.

the social life was in ICU for a long while- my NJ stint- and it's gotten a little bit of a jump lately.  My focus and attention has been on my Richmond family and friends and getting reacclimated.  It was crazy and I was feeling the pull for a few weeks, but things have settled down to a little tweak instead. there's still some things i've got to do  but it's not every weekend....thank goodness.

I've spent two nearly full weekends at the homefront and it's been splendid.  Although  I walked out of my house Monday morning and noticed that the street once resreved for resident parking only is now 2 hour parking like everywhere else...well, that blows on saturdays....good thing almost every sat morning I'm up and out to go to my group training. I knew that the city o' the burg was having a hearing about making some streets one way, etc...i guess they decided to screw the rest of us..nice.

i've discovered net flix.  LOVE it....so much so tha ti'm considereing cutting off the cable....not my dsl of course...but i may move to a verizon card on that too as i know have a laptop PC (i've got my macs too) but the teaching thing is pc based.

that's the news that's fit to print....